Episode 19: How can I love broken people?
EPISODE SUMMARY
We all have people in our lives who have been through hard things and we want to know how to love them well. Or maybe the person you are struggling to love is YOU and we just want to be able to love ourselves well through our hardships. Ashley Abercrombie joins us this week to discuss how to love broken people. Ashley is the author of the book, Rise of the Truth Teller, and she has an incredible story to share!
THE CONVERSATION
Today Kara-Kae and Elizabeth talk with Ashley Abercrombie, author of Rise of the Truth Teller, about how we can love broken people. They kick off the conversation by giving Ashley space to share her story of sin, brokenness, sexual assault, abortion, striving for perfection, and ultimately, redemption through Jesus Christ.
After living such a broken life, Ashley came to Christ because she was surrounded by people who loved her unconditionally. This love opened her heart to receive God’s unconditional love.
If someone else feels broken, Ashley encourages them to walk through their pain and suffering by sharing their story with others. When we share our story and struggles, we shed our shame, experience breakthrough, and begin to heal.
If you are struggling with finding a safe space and safe people where you can share your story, Ashley encourages you to start by creating safe space within yourself. She recommends the books Boundaries, Safe People, and Changes that Heal. Once you feel safe, you will feel more confident in opening up to safe people (people who love you, encourage you and show up for you).
Now that Ashley is walking in freedom, she is a pastor, an advocate and an author. She is also a wife and mom of two. She strives to live in freedom in Christ (not freedom in herself or other people).
Of course, the three women also talk about the Enneagram. Ashley is an 8x9. Kara-Kae talks about how, as a 1, perfectionism is difficult for her.
Kara-Kae asks Ashley how we can love ourselves. Ashley says we need to understand the cultural influences that demand perfection. First, gender . . . being a woman puts pressure on us to look perfect, keep a perfect home, but also show up in the boardroom. No one can do all things perfectly. Other influences include familial and religious. Once we realize that all the pressure we feel to be perfect doesn’t come from inside us, it sets us free.
Building community where you can be authentic, vulnerable, and just be yourself with no judgment also helps.
Next, they tackle the difficult issue of abortion and ask Ashley how we can love someone who has had an abortion. Ashely says that we need to start by holding our pro-life conviction with compassion. We need to be aware of our public witness and what we post on social media: are we posting things that will minister to someone who is hurting from an abortion? Or are we building up walls of judgement?
If you have been through an abortion, Ashley lets you know that it might take awhile to forgive yourself, but it can happen. Create safe community, pursue counseling, and work toward forgiving yourself. And know that forgiveness is not “one and done.” It’s a continuous process.
Kara-Kae asked how we can share our story authentically with “holy gumption?” Ashley says we need to own our story. We need to make sure we are living for God, not for everyone else. We also don’t owe everyone everything about us. We can use discernment when sharing our story.
Ashley, Elizabeth and Kara also mentioned a few more resources for you to check out:
If you want to win a copy of Ashley’s book, Rise of the Truth Teller, simply share the podcast in some form of social media (Instagram, IG stories, Facebook, FB stories) and tag us so we can enter you to win
RESOURCES TO REFRAME OUR THINKING
Elizabeth recommends the book The Body Keeps the Score, which teaches readers how our bodies process trauma.
Kara-Kae recommends Raising White Kids, which helps parents have healthy conversations with their children about race and racism.