the battle is over & the journey begins

A lot of the reason I haven't blogged much lately is because I've been so focused on Thrive, but there's also another reason. As I was battling through post partum anxiety, depression crept up on me. It hit me HARD. I was in a deep valley. Struggling to read my bible, listen to worship music or even pray. I found myself angry with God. Angry that I was going through this season. Resenting my kids for "ruining" my life and being so needy. Desperately wanting to get in my car and drive to Canada. The funny part? I was in the middle of building a new ministry to encourage moms. Moms who were exactly in the place I was in at that very moment.

We launched Thrive last week. Last week, I became a new person. I was released from the bondage of anxiety & depression. I'm not going to say I won't still struggle from time to time, but I finally feel alive again. I am having a BLAST with my kids and loving my life. I'm filled with a joy I hadn't felt in months.

Ironic? Coincidence? I think not.

I know that God was using my pain to build Thrive. I had always dreamed of starting a ministry like that, but it wasn't until I fully suffered the deepest, darkest days of motherhood that I could understand. That I could really know how to meet moms right where they are.

And when I gave that over to Him, I was renewed as a mom. As a wife. As a daughter of the King.

I wrote this below while I was in one of my worst days. I really prayed about whether or not I should share it, but I feel like I want to be completely transparent about my battle. I hope that if you are battling like I was, you can find someone to walk through it with, and know that Thrive is here for you!

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The darkest of dark. 

My heart literally aches in my chest. My mind races. I fight off feelings of loneliness, anger and self doubt. I fight against the daylight each morning wishing the sun would just go away. I’m not me. I’m not okay. 

I smile and force myself through my routine. Instead of snuggling, I push away the tiny human that wants on my lap. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like an alien in this body. It’s so different, so ugly, so unknown.  I wish for that flat tummy and tiny waist, but shove another donut in my face because eating is an escape.

I am pushing away friends, family and God. I am angry that no one understand me and frustrated that God would allow me to hurt like this. I secretly wish something bad would happen to me just so I can feel pain.I’m numb. I brush off these ridiculous thoughts and try to focus on the beauty in my life, but it’s hard to see through the fog that overtakes my emotions.

I refuse to admit something is wrong with ME. I’m sunshine and rainbows and fields of wild flowers. I’m not dark and broken. I can’t be. Not me.

It seems like a never ending battle that I can’t win. A battle against dishes and runny noses and timeouts. Against diapers and crumbs and dust bunnies. It feels pointless. Worthless. A battle that can’t be won.

I want to escape. I want the pain to end. I desire to feel wanted, loved and special. I know what it takes to obtain this, but I’m too angry and tired to even care. I ache. I'm broken.

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the flood gates opened

You guys. I'm struggling to even form the words to express how overjoyed my heart is at this moment. When I had this dream so long ago about bringing moms together in community, I had no idea what that meant. So I kept moving forward with my little mommy blog, hoping to be a bit of inspiration and encouragement to struggling moms. Which is basically everyone. If you are a mom and NOT struggling in some way, then I would love to talk to you because you're a super hero or something. Anyway - when I was chatting with my friend Nathalie one day it just came to both of us. We needed to create a place of belonging for moms. A place they could come for support, prayer, encouragement, inspiration and community. We prayed over this and worked our tails off to make it just right. I hoped that we would at least get a few people interested in it so it didn't feel like it was a huge waste of time.

Only 3 days after launching, I'm completely blown away. The flood gates opened. You guys poured your hearts out to us, desperate for prayer and to feel that you aren't alone in your journey.

You are not alone in your journey.  Not at all. 

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We hope that Thrive can become just that for moms. A place to feel loved. A place of understanding.

You know when you walk through the grocery store with children hanging off your cart, your greasy hair matted to your head and spit up on your shirt? Come on, you know you've been there. And you see another mom and you meet eyes with that "I know how you feel" look? That's what we are here for. That look that makes you just want to run and hug her and tell her she's fabulous and confide in her with the struggles and joys of motherhood.

Thank you for your support my sweet family of readers. It's your encouragement that pushed me to take this step of faith to begin what is going to be an amazing journey of ministry to moms in all walks of life.

If you haven't yet signed up for our newsletter, go sign up! The first one will go out on Monday, June 10!

the exciting news: introducing THRIVE!

I've had something on my heart for a while. When I became a mom, my heart for moms exploded. It was especially in the last year that I really began to have a huge passion for moms. See the thing is, no one told me how difficult it would be. I was a little shocked at the hormones & exhaustion that took over my body. I struggled with self image, self doubt and pretty much self everything. When I focused my blog at being real and striving to encourage moms, I knew that God had more in store for me. I prayed about it for a long time and waited until He revealed it to me. And then He brought Nathalie into my life. My precious friend with a heart just like mine. We desired to see moms get real with each other, and support each other. We knew there were so many moms who were suffering in silence and struggling through their journey. We couldn't take it anymore. It was so clear to us what God's plan was.

An online ministry of encouragement and support for moms.

Thrive was born.

Once you subscribe to Thrive, you will receive an encouraging and uplifting newsletter to your inbox every Monday. A little something to start your week off right. On our blog we will share all kinds of fun things to inspire, encourage and refresh you as a mom! Thrive is about community. It's about being intentional.

We have a LOT of big dreams and plans for this ministry, and we can't wait to share more with you as we grow!!!

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JOIN THE THRIVE COMMUNITY!

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Let's THRIVE together sweet mamas!