wordless{ish} wednesday: growing belly

We are just two days (TWO DAYS!!!!!!!) out from having this baby,so I wanted to take a look back at my growing belly!!

Linking up with some Wordless Wednesday friends The Paper MamaA Little King & IAnd Then She {Snapped}5 Minutes for Mom, & Angry Julie Monday

my story.

Warning - if you are a man, you probably don't want to read this post.It's about boobies, breastfeeding and lots of icky details. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Wow, this is a touchy subject for me. It was a full on nightmare with Jessi Girl. I got home from the hospital and thought things were going great. She was eating well, and it appeared to be normal. Everyone told me there would be pain in the beginning and that would go away. So I ignored the intense pain, and continued without asking for help. After a week, I decided it was time to seek help when I was screaming in pain every time I fed her. We met with a lactation consultant who told me how cute my baby was and estimated she was 6-8 weeks old. Ummmm, no. She's a week old. That's right, I birthed a toddler. The girl was 10lbs and had the suck of a 2 year old. I seriously think we could have put a straw in her mouth and she would have drank her milk just fine that way. That was our first problem.

Then when the consultant looked at my breasts, she cringed. Jessi had destroyed me. She then told me this wasn't normal. Oops.

From there, it was mastitis, yeast infections, thrust, more mastitis, more pain, lots of tears, even more mastitis, buckets of pink milk (filled with blood), did I mention the mastitis, so much unbearable pain, possible nerve damage, emotional breakdowns, so many clogged ducts, and of course a little more mastitis. This went on for 4 months without a break.

I was seeing my doctor on a weekly basis, seeing specialist after specialist. The lactation consultants had me on speed dial. I was well known around the hospital. I was the girl with the weird shaped uterus, who's body doesn't know how to go into labor and who's boobs are a freak of nature.

Finally, I had a doctor sit me down and say - "this won't stop unless you do". I was a complete mess. I felt like a failure. Breastfeeding was my plan, it was supposed to happen for me. But it didn't.

I'm thrilled to say I gave my baby girl nothing but breastmilk until she was 4 months old. I went through more pain and torture than I could have ever imagined, and it was worth every second. For her.

Fastforward to almost one year later ---

Last week, I found some lumps on my breasts. Since I was having my monthly check up anyway, I talked to my doctor about it then. She immediately referred me to a breast center to get a work up and see what was going on. I had to wait 4 days to get in and I was a nervous wreck. The lumps felt like clogged milk ducts to me, but that seemed kinda silly since I'm not breastfeeding.

Tuesday afternoon I went in to get checked out. My amazing husband walked in with me, and held my hand. I'm so thankful for his support through all of this. We prayed for the best and imagined the worst. What if there is something really wrong? The technician was so kind asking me about my daughter and our plans for little sister as she did my ultrasound. I tried not to look her in the eyes for fear I would see the fear in hers.

When she walked back in my room without the doctor and a big smile on her face to give me my results I wanted to hug her. Nothing was seriously wrong. But, there's still some issues. It looks like my milk is starting to come in (at only 28 weeks) and it's clogging. Which means we have to monitor it very closely and I'm prone to mastitis anyway.

Hubby and I were thankful nothing was seriously wrong, but talked about our options on the way home. Is breastfeeding even going to happen for me this time? I was on the verge of post partum depression with Jessi because of how difficult the bfing was. It wore me down, and took everything out of me. Am I willing to face that again? I feel like I get no straight answers of what to expect this time. But can my body handle this again? If my milk is already coming in, will I have trouble once the baby is actually here in 10 weeks? I have so many questions and fears. It breaks my heart to think I might not have that incredible bonding experience with my little girl. But then again, will I bond better with her without the stresses that come with bfing her?

All of this overwhelms and breaks my heart. I know that God is in control. He made my body, perfect in HIS image. But it doesn't take away how hard it is on me.

Advice? Please give me any. I'm planning to meet with the lactation consultants and my doctor about this. I'm not sure who else to reach out to for support. Help!

planning for second born

We are expecting our second child 12 weeks from today. Wowzers. 12 weeks. Know what? I have done practically NOTHING to prepare for this baby. There is a tiny stack of a few items I picked up for her with a gift card I had, and I got some awesome hand me downs from my cousin. By this time with the first born, the nursery was painted, the furniture was purchased, baby showers had been had, we were almost ready to go! It amazes me how different it is with the second born. Poor girl is getting all of sister's clothes, toys, carseat, everything. On one hand it's sad, on the other it's fantastic. This means we don't need much at all for 2.0, and the bank will not break like last time around.

I've been trying to figure out what we do need for little sister. Here's the short list I've got so far.

Stuff we need for baby 2.0:

Double Stroller. This is the stroller I've picked out and am trying to figure out how to find the money to purchase. Considering selling a kidney. I found it here for only $300 bucks so that's a great deal! Monitor. We just need a second video camera for our monitor so we can look in on both girls. Love that our Summer Infant Monitor can do up to four cameras! (That means 2 more babies soon, right??)

Diapers. Lots and lots of diapers. And then some more. Two kids under 2. I'm nuts.

What else am I missing? Are there some key things that are good to have with a second born, especially with two so close together? Help!


fetal personality?

I'm so anxious to meet little 2.0. The more I get to know her in my belly, the more excited I get! And being just about 14 weeks away from seeing her it's becoming more and more real. I'm excited to see what she's like. To see if her personality fits her fetal-ness. With big Sis, she was a constant mover in my belly. I laughed at my doctor when she told me to do "kick counts" because I was lucky if she stopped moving to let me get a breather. I just knew she was going to be a mess...and she is. She still hasn't stopped moving.

Little Sis is quite the opposite. She's chill. She hangs out low, and moves around when she feels like it (which isn't very often). Daddy doesn't get to feel her kick much, and it's surprising to me when I feel big kicks.

My pregnancies are like night and day. I wonder if my girls will be the same way. {Speaking of night &'s 5:30am and I'm up blogging. Been up since 2am. Apparently I can't sleep with this pregnancy...torture!!}

Did your kids personalities reflect your pregnancies? Wild fetus = wild child? Calm fetus = calm child?

how long should pregnancy REALLY be?

Ok, this may be craziness coming from my mouth...but here we go. I've been thinking a lot lately about how long pregnancy really should be. We go with the 40 week schedule and then FREAK out when due dates pass.

I delivered my daughter at 42 weeks. I hadn't progressed at all, and they had to go in after her and cut her out of me. Honestly, I'm just so thankful I was born in the era of modern medicine. There is a good chance either me or my baby could have died during delivery. I don't share this very often, but my doctor has told me it's not likely that I would really be able to naturally deliver a baby due to how my hardware is set up. So, for me I'm thankful for the c-section and how much safer it is for me to deliver babies.

I can't help but wonder how often we rush God's design.

Some women deliver right on or very near their due date. Some way before. My mom delivered my brother at 44 weeks. But why is it that when that date comes and goes, doctors induce and rush the baby?? I completely understand if there are risks involved, but as long as there is a healthy baby and mama....why rush?

Believe me, I understand how hard it is to think logically in the end of your pregnancy and induction sounds very nice when you go "late". But after delivering my first in California, where they have laws against early inductions and c-sections, I can't help but think they are on the right track. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe back in the day, a lot of women and babies died during delivery because they went too long. I don't know the science. I just wonder what God's original plan was for gestation period.

I learned my lesson the hard way with getting attached to a due date with my first. I rarely even tell people when I'm due this time, even though I will have a scheduled c-section.

What are your thoughts? Inductions? Should we wait more and let babies come on their own? Should it be a case by case basis? Are we rushing God's design?