motherhood

i'm still just mom.

It's Mother's Day. The day where I get pampered and get breakfast in bed and my children behave like angels and I just get to kick back and relax...right? Actually, it's just the same as any other day. And I love it. Second to being a wife, being a mom is the greatest role I've ever had. Every day is a new adventure. It's difficult in so many ways, and challenges me. I'm beat to complete exhaustion almost daily. So, on MY day...I'm still just mom to them.

I wouldn't change it for the WORLD.

I was born for this role. I love learning each and every day how to better myself at being a mom, and how to pour into my kids. I'm thankful for the dirt on my floors and the spit up on the couch. For the piles of dirty laundry and smeared finger prints on my windows. The fact that my car smells like sour milk and dirty diapers.

Most of all - I'm thankful for the smiles on their faces. For the way they look to me for comfort and for joy. That Zoey lights up and can't contain her excitement when I walk into a room. That Jessi knows she has a best friend in me, and I will always be there to kiss her owies.

I'm so thankful and blessed to be their mommy. They are my everything, and the fact that God chose me to care for them just blows me away. I am overjoyed. Being "just mom" is the best thing for me to be!!

Happy Mother's Day to all my amazing Mommy friends. I hope your day as mom is as amazing as can be!

 

because motherhood isn't all sunshine & roses

You know when times just get hard? You get discouraged. You feel beat down. You wonder if the laundry will ever end (it doesn't) and if the diapers will walk themselves to the trash can (I stepped over about 12 on my way through the living room just now). How do you balance your kids, your husband, your home and then have a few minutes for yourself? It seems impossible. Every stage is different and has it's own struggles. The great thing is, each day is new. I may have a horrible day, or even a horrible week...but we have the promise of a new day. And I get to start fresh. No, I'm not proud of the way I reacted to the massive fit Jessi threw because I wouldn't let her pour her own milk. My patience was shot and I was just done. I wish I hadn't raised my voice to her as I sent her to timeout. But I did. And she still knows I love her and we still hug and kiss when it's over. There will be more tantrums tomorrow and Zoey will still spit her peas at me like always.

So not only will it be frustrating, I'll smell like peas.

It may not always be all sunshine and roses being a mom....but it can be all chocolate chip cookies and brownies. I HAD to share this with you.

BROWNIE STUFFED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

- STEP ONE - Bake a pan of brownies Eat a large chunk of fresh out of the oven gooey brownie Let them cool Cut into small squares

- STEP TWO - Make cookie dough Eat huge spoonful of cookie dough

- STEP THREE - Form cookie dough around brownie square and bake Yes, you heard me right

- STEP FOUR - Email or tweet me to thank me for rocking your world.

Remember friends, tomorrow is a new day and brownies and chocolate chip cookies make a bad day so much more tasty!!

 

a wild and crazy weekend ending with joy

Wow, we had a WILD weekend! Friday we celebrated Jessi's birthday as a family because Daddy had to work a ton all weekend and we wouldn't see much of him at all. Jessi loved her birthday. She had an absolute blast, and so did we. It was filled with WAY too much sugar, but tons and tons of love.

To top of the crazy weekend, we decided to surprise Jessi with her new big girl bed. We got it all set up for her and then took her up to show her. The look on her face was priceless. She was thrilled! Right after that we ate dinner and her prayer at dinner was: "Dear Jesus, thank you for my bed!!!!! Amen!".

She adjusted to her new bed with no problems. Hopefully she will continue to do well with it, because I can't believe how easy of a transition it was. Fingers crossed!

I sit here after the long weekend, watching my babies on their monitors sleeping so peacefully. My heart is full of so much love and I feel so blessed to be their mommy. The past two years have been incredible. I'm a better person because of them and I know what is really important in life now. The material things of this world don't matter as long as my girls are happy and my husband is by my side.

Motherhood changed me.

Selfishness is gone.

I am honored to be called mom.

 

yes, I'm aware that my hands are full.

The number one comment when I'm out with the kiddos is "Wow, you've got your hands full don't you?". I usually follow it with a blank stare and thank them for stating the obvious for me. OF COURSE I HAVE MY HANDS FULL! Duuuuuuuh. 

A guy at the mall a couple weeks ago actually stopped me and stared down into the stroller with a huge look of shock on his face. "I can't believe there are TWO babies in there!!!". Seriously, dude? Did you think I'd have my cat in there?

It's like when you're 9 months pregnant and people feel the need to tell you that you're about to have a baby. Why, oh why do they feel the need to remind me that I have two little humans?

It's almost like they feel sorry for me. WHY?? This was our choice, and it's amazing. I'm blessed with two tiny people who are absolutely incredible! My house is filled with laughter and fun. Sure, it's tough. I'm the first one to admit that, but most importantly...it's a blast. I wouldn't trade the bad days or the hard times for anything. Because when it's hard, there's always a silver lining.

Right when it gets really rough is when Zoey giggles uncontrollably for the first time at her big sister. It's when Jessi says her bible verse by herself, and sings her ABC's (skipping about 10 letters of course). It's when Jessi goes and sits next to her little sister and hugs and kisses her and tells her she loves her (without me telling her to!). Those moments make my eyes fill with tears and my heart with joy. They are learning from us! We are having a stinking blast teaching and loving these little humans. In no way does having my "hands full" change that.

And to all you people who think I'm crazy and have my hands full? They are only going to get more full.

Now, stop staring at me and buy me coffee and go carry my groceries to the car!!!

saturday

Just gonna be really open and honest here. I had a breakdown this weekend, and honestly it scared me. I've for the most part managed to keep my head on pretty straight after having the kiddos. There was a time after having Jessi that I was really scared I was getting postpartum depression, but we figured out it was just stress and frustration over breastfeeding. As soon as I quit breastfeeding her, I was golden. But last week was hard. Both girls have been suffering with allergies really bad, and it was taking a toll on us all. We got the news that we couldn't continue with our adoption and I took that pretty hard. It was a busy week, so all around exhausting. Saturday morning daddy had a basketball game (he plays in a church league) so we were at home by ourselves. The whining was ridiculous. It's all I had heard all week. My head hurt, the baby was crying, the toddler was whining and clinging to me.

I just broke down. I couldn't even stand the sight of their faces. What?? I calmly begged the toddler to go play with her toys, while I sat and tried to wrap my mind around the emotions. I just needed to escape.

Then the guilt hits. What kind of a mother am I? What mother wants to get away from her children?? Well, me. The kind of mother that never gets away from her children. I never ask for help. When I ask for help, I feel like a failure. I've convinced myself I can do it all and I can handle it all.

But I can't.

Thankfully hubby walked in the door before I locked myself in my bedroom. I explain to him that I was losing my mind, and he gladly took over the children so I could take a nap and escape the house.  I tell new moms all the time how important it is to take time to yourself and ask for help, but why can't I take that advice myself? When I do get help, and get a chance to leave the house - I rush through my errands and feel this HUGE amount of guilt the entire time.

When will this get better? Get easier? Maybe it never will. But I hope that eventually I get the hang of it and the guilt lessens. Because even after an hour away, I feel so much more refreshed.

I think I had just reached the point of exhaustion, we all get there. I love these little people more than anything on this planet (other than their sperm donor of course). I would do ANYTHING for them. But sometimes, I just have to get away before I go completely nutty.

It's those days when the baby is up to eat every three hours the night before and the toddler has a screaming meltdown because "OH NO I OPENED THE FRUIT SNACKS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE PACKAGE". That's when it's time to step back, take a breather and remind myself I am a fantastic mother. We will get through this stage.

It's hard. But I will always go home, scoop up my babies and love them with everything in me. It's ok to have a tough day, and it's important to take a break - even from your family. Recharge those batteries so you can start over fresh.

How do you survive the tough days? Are you asking for help?