puke, disappointments & hard lessons learned

I spent 90% of last weekend puking into a little bucket next to my bed. We're all friends here and can talk about that kind of stuff, right? I thought so. I was out shopping Friday evening for last minute birthday party stuff and felt like I was going to puke all over aisle 4. Long story short, I was up all night with a nasty stomach bug and we had to cancel Makenzi's first birthday party. I was devastated having to cancel her party. Not just because I'm a party planner and a lot went into it, but because selfishly it was about me. Yeah, that's a hard one to admit. There's something about that first birthday that I take SO personally as if I did something great.

When I take a step back and do a heart check I realize:

How selfish are my feelings?

How pointless is my striving? 

Am I wanting to do this to honor her or make myself feel better and look better? 

What a tough heart check that is! That even when I can't show off my hard work and hear everyone talk about how great of a job I did, am I still doing it for the same reason? I realize how much I struggle with this in motherhood. How much of what I do is set up for my personal gain? How much of this is selfishly done for me? Am I striving for "greatness" instead of allowing Christ to reflect through me and love my children unconditionally?

It's a hard lesson to stomach (especially when you're getting over the stomach flu) that it's not about you. Christ made himself a slave, a lowly human to save and rescue us. Why should I ever think I'm entitled to so much as a mother?  As if I've done a great deed that deserves celebrating? (Read this great post from Thrive Moms MOMentum on this subject!)

phil27So, instead of a Pinterest award winning post to follow up from my birthday inspiration board, I leave you with puke and disappointment. A thrown together "make up party" so we could use the food we had ready for the big day. A few blurry pictures and a a sore throat from the pill I had to swallow learning it's really not about me and my big plans after all.


However, this girl. This precious, amazing, hilarious girl. It's all about her and I'm thankful for the lessons I learn from getting to be her mama. I become a better person because of this amazing journey. It's a joy and an honor to be around her every single day.

I'd throw her a million parties if I could, because she really is my greatest littlest joy.


Happy Birthday, Makenzi Hannah!


Makenzi is one!

This year flew by!!! I feel like it was just yesterday I was waddling around this giant belly and now she's waddling around the house. What an absolute JOY this girl is. Always so happy, and pretty hilarious! She loves watching her sisters and chasing them around the house. It's so fun to watch them all learn and grow together! Happy Birthday our precious girl! We love you so!

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Makenzi Hannah - 6 Months!!!

I blinked. And six months FLEW by. It's true about it going faster with each baby! I feel like I just had her last week and some days wish she was still a teeny squishy baby that slept on my chest all day. But, she is SO much fun! This is my favorite pre-mobile baby stage, and we are having a blast. She's a constant stream of smiles, giggles and babbling. Her little personality is amazing and her joy is contagious! She is so close to crawling it's scary, but she just can't wait to keep up with her sisters! Her favorite things: sophie the giraffe, squealing, being outside, waking mommy up at 5am and basically anything involving her big sisters.

Enjoy some 6 months pics of our precious girl!  6moblog1 6moblog66moblog76moblog36moblog26moblog56moblog46moblog96moblog8

makenzi: 3 & 4 months

Poor third baby. It's just sure not like the first where you take a picture every 5 seconds and go crazy over every little thing they do. This kid is lucky I remember her birthday at all! Ok, it's not that bad. But I sure don't have the time (or energy) to blog about every spit up, roll over and coo. So here's a 3 & 4 month update jam packed into one post! Woo! (Sorry Mak if you're reading this as an adult and in therapy because of me! I am totally crazy about you!!) 3-months

We are starting to get into the super fun baby stage. Full of smiles, laughs, and joy. The big girls are loving watching her do new things, and it's so fun to see Kenz light up whenever she sees her sisters. We still aren't sleeping through the night (boo!) but at least she's super cute, right??


A few of my favs from the past couple of months!

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two months of makenzi

2monthsmak I'm not really sure where the last two months have gone. Those first few weeks are always a complete and total blur, and this last month has been a bit of a nightmare with the PPA. I'm clinging to these moments and cherishing these days.

Her big sisters adore her. So so much. Kenz loves to sit up in my lap and watch them play. She lights up when Jessi talks to her. Adorable. And sleep? Oh, she's a rockstar. 6-8 hours a night. (Go ahead and throw things at me, I know how lucky I am!)

These past two months have been difficult. Adjusting to three has been slow, but we are getting into a routine. I'm so thankful for Makenzi and all she is to our family. I wish I could freeze time and keep her teeny for a little bit longer! There something about how you cherish each baby a little bit more.

In this season of being overwhelmed & stressed, God is doing a big work in me. He's stretching my heart as a mom and as a wife. He's teaching me what it's really like to lean on Him fully and put my ideals of myself aside. I love how even in the most difficult of seasons, you can learn the most. I wouldn't trade it, because I wouldn't have this time with my angel baby who I adore so much!

What is God teaching you in the good and hard seasons?