when my heart is overwhelmed

We are a couple months into the adoption process now, and feeling the weight of it all. The paperwork is just about done, we are waiting for some forms to finalize. It's that whole "hurry up and wait" thing. We rushed, rushed, rushed through paperwork and now we wait. We wait for the money to come in so we can move forward. I think the thing that a lot of people don't realize about domestic adoption, is that it is still outrageously expensive. Our fundraising goal is $40,000. That's a LOT of money. A lot. 

Before we started this process, I had studied adoption for years. I knew everything that it would take going into it. The fees were not a surprise to me, and I wasn't worried about it at all. I knew God would provide. I knew He had called us to this, and I knew He would bring us to it. 

And then we actually got into the process, and I realized the scope of how big that amount of money is. And that we cannot bring our baby home until we have that money. It has been weighing on me. There's a fine line between constantly begging for money and getting people on board with what we are doing. 

Waiting is hard, when your heart just longs to hold that child. I sit and dream about this tiny life that God has already called to our family. I pray daily for a precious woman out there that may already be pregnant with our child. I pray for her heart, and her decisions as she carries our child. I pray for safety over her life, the life of our baby and health. I pray that God will complete his promise by allowing the money to come so we can hold our baby soon. 

Most days I feel completely overwhelmed for lack of a better word. But I think the Lord has been giving me that word and teaching me about relying completely on Him. My body and spirit are weak and weary. I always had heard people talk about how the adoption process is so hard, but now I GET it. It's absolutely draining on you body and soul. 

When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

This scripture has been what I cling to. My heart does feel overwhelmed about 90% of the time. And I learn daily what it really means to trust and be lead to the rock higher than I. Nothing in MY power can bring in this amount of money, but He can. 

What are you struggling to trust Him with today? What has your heart feeling overwhelmed? Be lead to the rock that is higher than you! 


Want to be a part of our Instagram adoption auction?? Email a photo and description of your product to momdiggityadopts@gmail.com! Thank you! 

Our Growing Family!

It was April of 2010, that's where our journey began.

Brook and I were on staff at a church in California and we were attending a church leadership conference. Our first baby was only 3 weeks old, and it was our first major outing as a family. Little did we know at the time the impact that conference would have on our lives and the future of our family. I always knew growing up, I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a million babies and I wanted them from all over the world. I had a heart for Africa and after my first trip there, I was addicted. When Brook and I got married, this was no secret to him. He knew of my heart for orphans and desire for a big family. We never really talked much about adopting, I knew that God needed to call us to adopt as a family. 

During that conference, I was in and out with the baby and missed a lot. Someone got up to share about adoption and orphan care and I needed to feed and change Jessi so I stepped out. I remember listening to the speaker from the lobby and challenging everyone to ask "What if". What if God has something more for them. What if God wanted them to open their home to foster care or adoption. What if they could make a difference somehow. 

I was changing my 3 week old baby in the bathroom and saw a text message pop up on my phone from Brook. All it said was "What if we adopted?". And that was it. In that moment God made it very clear to him (I already knew!) that was the answer for our family. We actually stepped in to start the process at a couple of different times, but it was not the right time. It wasn't God's plan. We ended up having two more children of our own, and nearly 5 years later...we got the YES from God. 

Our time is now! God is calling us to bring A CHILD into our FOREVER family!

We have officially started the adoption process, and we are looking forward to adding a sweet baby to our family sometime this year!! I've answered some detail questions here, but I wanted to share a bit more about our heart for adoption and why we chose this route for our family. 

LOVE IS GREATER THAN BLOOD. 

This is our family mission statement. We adore our biological children. Love them to pieces. But love? It's greater than blood, and we have been called to something GREATER. We believe as Christ followers, we are called to care for the orphans and the widows. The bible tells us to. There are 147 million orphans worldwide. I know this must break the heart of God, and it breaks mine. In the past 5 years as I've researched and studied the adoption process, my eyes have been opened to the need of orphan care in this world. While I want to care for all of them, I can only do so much. So, I can care for one right now. I can change the future for this one. For my child. God holds us responsible to the things he places on our hearts, and it's our calling to care for this child. 

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

WHAT IF?

What is your "What if"? How can you step out of your comfort zone and give a child a forever home? Maybe you are called to adoption (awesome!!), or maybe you can help by financially helping a family bring home a child. Adoption is not easy and it is not cheap. You can read about our financial needs on our adoption page, they are not small. We need the help of friends, family, the CHURCH to come around us and help us through this journey. 

Our precious, growing family!

We are absolutely THRILLED to be expecting baby #4!! Please keep us in your prayers as we step forward in faith! 


thoughts

A lot of you have been asking how I'm doing after my recent announcement that our adoption has gotten pushed back. (We were planning to start paperwork last month and got rejected due to income). Well, I'm doing better than I expected. I have a peace. I know that God has a plan for us. A bigger plan than I can imagine. Want to know something CRAZY? I think we have about decided to have another little one of our own before adopting.

I KNOW.

When I was pregnant with Zoey, we had decided we were done. But have you seen our babies? How can we possibly stop at 2 when we make such amazing and perfect children? I'm addicted to making cute kids.Β We don't have a timeline yet for when we might try for #3...I'm still figuring out #1 & #2. Let's get Zoey sleeping through the night before we even think about that!

Yes, I'm a little disappointed that the timeline didn't work out the way I had in my brain. But I'm thrilled for what is ahead. I know we will adopt someday, just now isn't our time. We just started over, and with hubby starting a new career we have to wait it out a bit.

But you know what? We are blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Maybe we aren't making millions, but we have so much more. We have a nice home (which is *ahem*....free...yeah talk about blessings), we have two cars so the kids and I aren't stuck at home all day. We have a full pantry and fridge. We are blessed. God provides every month, and He will continue to provide.

I appreciate your prayers and support as we learn to walk through some interesting financial times, and being able to provide the very best for our kiddos. (2 in diapers and 1 on formula. Expensive junk.)

I wish I could hug you all!

major adoption set back

I'm sitting here all snuggled up in my bed with a warm blanket and cup of chai tea. My babies are napping and tears are streaming down my face as I try to wrap my mind around rejection. We were rejected to start our adoption.

OUCH.

The place we are in is tough. When hubby quit his comfortable, well paying church job (I know, that's kinda an oxymoron right?) to move us back to Oklahoma I had no idea it would be this difficult to get settled. We went a full year without a job. He led worship and that paid the bills, but we still had to dig into our savings significantly. We didn't get a couple of jobs we really wanted, and began to question if full time ministry was really what we were supposed to be doing anymore.

Then hubby got the job at Apple 2 months ago, and he absolutely loves it. He always tells me this is something he can see himself doing for a long time. That makes me so happy. It's great because he can still lead worship part time, and still work at Apple. Win, win!

The downside? He's starting out in a new company. Although he didn't have to start completely at the bottom, they didn't hire him on immediately to be a manager or pay him a million dollars. So we are scraping by a bit.

Therefore,Β  we have decisions to make. Yes, we are still going to adopt. That's not even a question. We just need to be bringing home a little more before we can. Do I take on some sort of job to cover the extra that we need? But then what about the girls? Seems dumb for me to work just so we can get going on paperwork, only to pay all of that straight to daycare. Sigh.

I know God has a huge plan for our children and our family. But I'm extremely disappointment. My heart hurts. I was so ready and excited to get started on this journey. The process takes 2-3 YEARS and I really wanted my kids super close together. If we have to wait another year or longer to get started that's like 5 years before having another kiddo! Um, no thanks!

We would really appreciate your prayers as we figure this out and decide what is the best course for us to take. Thanks my friends!

my incomplete family

I find myself getting very anxious sometimes to get our family built. It feels so incomplete. We have our little firstborn, who is completely awesome and we're kinda obsessed with her. We meet little sister in 6 weeks (yeah....6 weeks from today!). But still. It feels incomplete. With waiting out the final weeks of this pregnancy and our pending adoption, it makes me restless.

But then I kick myself for trying to rush it....because wow they grow up SO fast! Look who is already swimming by herself!

I know that God has an amazing plan for our family. We are stoked that He has called us to adopt and is going to allow us to bring children into our family that need a forever home. It's seriously an incredible honor. But I'm dying over here!! I want to scoop up all those babies and bring them home NOW.

Basically, I'm impatient.

It's hard waiting.

Waiting for hubby to get a more solid job, so we can even be allowed to adopt. That part is frustrating sometimes. God, you have called us to this....why aren't you giving us the means to do so?? Is He telling us to wait? Maybe this is His way of keeping me from losing my mind by having too many tiny babies to raise!

My heart is anxious and so excited for what lies ahead for us. I wish I could dig into paperwork now, and get this process going. But we are waiting. Waiting until the time is right. Focusing on each child, each little blessing He's giving us. One at a time.

What are you anxious for now, and how is God teaching you to wait?