when my heart is overwhelmed

We are a couple months into the adoption process now, and feeling the weight of it all. The paperwork is just about done, we are waiting for some forms to finalize. It's that whole "hurry up and wait" thing. We rushed, rushed, rushed through paperwork and now we wait. We wait for the money to come in so we can move forward. I think the thing that a lot of people don't realize about domestic adoption, is that it is still outrageously expensive. Our fundraising goal is $40,000. That's a LOT of money. A lot. 

Before we started this process, I had studied adoption for years. I knew everything that it would take going into it. The fees were not a surprise to me, and I wasn't worried about it at all. I knew God would provide. I knew He had called us to this, and I knew He would bring us to it. 

And then we actually got into the process, and I realized the scope of how big that amount of money is. And that we cannot bring our baby home until we have that money. It has been weighing on me. There's a fine line between constantly begging for money and getting people on board with what we are doing. 

Waiting is hard, when your heart just longs to hold that child. I sit and dream about this tiny life that God has already called to our family. I pray daily for a precious woman out there that may already be pregnant with our child. I pray for her heart, and her decisions as she carries our child. I pray for safety over her life, the life of our baby and health. I pray that God will complete his promise by allowing the money to come so we can hold our baby soon. 

Most days I feel completely overwhelmed for lack of a better word. But I think the Lord has been giving me that word and teaching me about relying completely on Him. My body and spirit are weak and weary. I always had heard people talk about how the adoption process is so hard, but now I GET it. It's absolutely draining on you body and soul. 

When my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

This scripture has been what I cling to. My heart does feel overwhelmed about 90% of the time. And I learn daily what it really means to trust and be lead to the rock higher than I. Nothing in MY power can bring in this amount of money, but He can. 

What are you struggling to trust Him with today? What has your heart feeling overwhelmed? Be lead to the rock that is higher than you! 


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