the things my heart aches for

I spent the last few weeks planning for 2014 (mostly in my brain because UGH my planner is on a fedex truck somewhere...), soaking up time with my babes and pouring into my marriage. It's been a beautiful and (semi) relaxing time, and it's also shown me a lot of myself and the ugly parts of my heart. My heart aches for many things in this season. 

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For more community.  For a deeper marriage.  For children who know Jesus.   To know Him more. 

Time is always my worst enemy - amiright?. I want 2 hours a day to sit and read and write. That typically becomes 2 hours a week - if I'm lucky. The season of my life calls for every inch of me to be stretched so very thin and I get worn to the bone. I asked God to examine my heart and point out the pieces that I needed to focus on.

My marriage was a huge part of that. Since 2013 was a life sucking year and I spent a large portion of it curled up in my bed, I allowed my marriage to feel the weight of that. I realized how much I ached for time with Brook. I just wanted to sneak away with him, have fun like we used to and not have someone climbing on me while we tried to have a grown up conversation.

I want to have children that crave Jesus. I want to show them how fun running to Him can be and that we need Him in every area of our lives. It's so stinking easy to get caught up in the thick of it all and forget to include him.

I want to pour my heart into the things I love and care about. My relationship with Christ. My husband & children. My community (family and friends). My work (Blog & Design, Thrive, Influence). I want to simplify my heart and my mind. I want to allow His desires to become mind.

I'm in the ugly, gross thick of it. The cluttered, messy and often smelly thick of it. And it's a beautiful, chaotic mess. But having an achey heart for the good is what matters. So I will keep aching and making the best parts of my life even better.