Four years ago we took a trip to Israel. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Walking where Jesus walked, watching the words I'd read my entire life just jump right off the page and become real for me. It was thrilling. By far one of my favorite things to see was the Dead Sea. It's the most amazing thing. You get in the water, and sit down and just let go. You float. Without having to do anything, you just float. It's amazing how the water holds and supports you, and you don't have to do anything. I loved that feeling.
I feel like my life is a little like the Dead Sea right now. I strain sometimes to keep my head above water. Sometimes it hurts, but then I let go and I realize I don't have to try so hard. I have support. My head stays above water without straining. And I just float.
There's nothing wrong with floating sometimes.
I am forever changed by that float in the Dead Sea. Even though no life can thrive there, it's still fascinating to me. I want my life to be overflowing with rich, life-giving waters. I don't want to just float on and get by. But sometimes, it's just ok. It's what we need to do.
I continue to put one foot in front of another. I hurt and struggle every day. I wish I was better, and wish I could take back some of the stupid things I say. My days are hard, and my nights are long.
I wish I could say joy always comes in the morning. Sometimes joy isn't there. Sometimes I just can't get myself out of bed. Sometimes it takes every ounce of energy in me to be mommy.
Sometimes I just float. And you do to. And that's ok.
The important part is that you keep floating.