major adoption set back

I'm sitting here all snuggled up in my bed with a warm blanket and cup of chai tea. My babies are napping and tears are streaming down my face as I try to wrap my mind around rejection. We were rejected to start our adoption.

OUCH.

The place we are in is tough. When hubby quit his comfortable, well paying church job (I know, that's kinda an oxymoron right?) to move us back to Oklahoma I had no idea it would be this difficult to get settled. We went a full year without a job. He led worship and that paid the bills, but we still had to dig into our savings significantly. We didn't get a couple of jobs we really wanted, and began to question if full time ministry was really what we were supposed to be doing anymore.

Then hubby got the job at Apple 2 months ago, and he absolutely loves it. He always tells me this is something he can see himself doing for a long time. That makes me so happy. It's great because he can still lead worship part time, and still work at Apple. Win, win!

The downside? He's starting out in a new company. Although he didn't have to start completely at the bottom, they didn't hire him on immediately to be a manager or pay him a million dollars. So we are scraping by a bit.

Therefore,Β  we have decisions to make. Yes, we are still going to adopt. That's not even a question. We just need to be bringing home a little more before we can. Do I take on some sort of job to cover the extra that we need? But then what about the girls? Seems dumb for me to work just so we can get going on paperwork, only to pay all of that straight to daycare. Sigh.

I know God has a huge plan for our children and our family. But I'm extremely disappointment. My heart hurts. I was so ready and excited to get started on this journey. The process takes 2-3 YEARS and I really wanted my kids super close together. If we have to wait another year or longer to get started that's like 5 years before having another kiddo! Um, no thanks!

We would really appreciate your prayers as we figure this out and decide what is the best course for us to take. Thanks my friends!