is it time to throw the towel in?

Well, are you sick of hearing me whine or what? I sure am. If you're new here, basically I had a baby 9 weeks ago, have had mastitis twice already and have some horrible stomach issues that can't be fully treated while breastfeeding. I'm miserable. The last two months have been torture in a wonderful sort of way. Β I just adore Zoey. I would do anything for her. But by continuing to breastfeed am I really doing best for me and my family? The mastitis knocks me out for a good week. It kills my supply. The antibiotics make me incredibly sick. My stomach is BAD. Like, real bad.

And breastfeeding?Β  Zoey is the slowest eater of ALL TIME. It takes her at least an hour to eat every single time. She is typically nursing 8-10 times a day. I spend about 12 hours a day sitting and nursing her. TWELVE HOURS. Did you hear me? Did you hear me slowly go INSANE??

If I get mastitis again, I think I will officially need to be admitted to the loony bin.

So, why can't I just pat myself on the back and break out the bottles? I'm trying to justify it really. I think it's more 90% a pride thing and 10% I actually want to breastfeed. I actually hate breastfeeding. But there's that nagging part of my brain that tells me I'm a bad mom if I quit. Why I am so concerned about quitting and what people think?? I know I'm a good mom. I have a perfectly healthy toddler that had formula for 8 months.

And, there's that other thing I don't like to talk about. Zoey's size. She's in the 3rd percentile for weight. I say I'm not worried (and deep down I know she'll be fine) buuuuut what mom wouldn't be concerned? I've been so sick that she's not getting my best. I can't help but wonder if switching to formula might actually be the best thing for her. Hm. There I said it.

She sure is cute, huh?

I really don't know what to do. I wish I could fix my stomach & know i wouldn't get mastitis again. But that's not the case right now.

Is it time to come to grips with the fact that long term breast feeding isn't an option for me?