i don't know what i'm doing

I really could leave the blog with just the title and a big fat period and you would pretty much get the point. After a year, a week and three days of being a mom...I'm still clueless. Every morning is a new adventure and I never know what to expect.  Now with a teeny bit of experience under my belt, I do feel more confident and the hard things are simpler now. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm a complete newbie at this motherhood game.

Somebody get me my copy of mommyhood for dummies.

The fact that I will be the mother to two tiny people in just a short 5 months, brings this realization to light even more. That when this tiny newborn is pulled out of me, once again I am a first time mom. To this little one, it's a first. Everything is new and different. She will be like no child ever brought into this world. No book or blog or even mother of 12 can tell me how to raise her. Can tell me how to soothe her. Can tell me what is best for HER.

Because only her heavenly daddy knows what is best, and will give special wisdom to her earthly mommy and daddy.

THAT is all that matters in bringing up a tiny person. They are not ours, they are precious gifts given to us for a time. Each one of them is different and perfect in their own way. We can not compare them to one another, or treat them like ones who have gone before.

They are their own individual. And that fact makes me clueless. I am thrilled and excited to meet my littlest human, and enjoy every second of watching the tiny toddler grow and learn. I treat each day differently, and each moment as a gift.

But, the fact of the matter is....I have NO idea what I'm doing. And I'm completely ok with that.