i sit

I sit in my car while the baby sleeps. I try to read the words of scripture through tears, begging God to show me something. Anything. My heart aches. We are in that place again. The place of unknown. Of fear. Of asking God what he has for us, and hearing nothing.

It's hard. People always tell you that ministry is hard. But you never understand it until you are fully immersed. Until you've given it your all. Until you feel empty and numb. That's when it's hard. When you're at the end of the road and it feels like you have no hope. Until you're totally broken to the point that you open your bible and can't even read the words but get the greatest lesson of all.

{Trust me.}

I hear that still small whisper in my ear.

{Trust me.}

But God! I am the mama bear. I have a family to take care of! I need my security. I need my stuff. I have a husband and a baby and a dog. I have to meet their needs. {I will meet your needs.}

{Trust me.}

But seriously Lord, ME. What about ME?

{TRUST. ME.}

Are you trusting Him? Even when it's really hard?