mommy confessions

I just recently went on a 2 week vacation with our family and closest friends. It was amazing. We had a blast, and I had 25 other people to love on my daughter. She fit right in and quickly became the life of the party. But then vacation ended and we came home.

That's when it hit me. I'm a-l-o-n-e.  Baby Daddy gets up and goes to work...and I'm alone.  I'm completely hands on again and have no one to help.  I can't go take a nap, or hang out with the girls...I have a child that needs my undivided attention.  And due to her getting 24/7 in her face attention, that's what she wanted after we got back. She screamed if I walked away to eat, do dishes or even pee.

After a few days of this, I thought I was going to lose my mind.  There are those days when I think I could have 8 kids and life would be a breeze, and then there are days I want to send this one back! Well, I reached my breaking point.  I put her down for her nap, and lost it emotionally and mentally.  I wasn't sure I could do it.  Then all the feelings of guilt rushed over me.

"Moms aren't supposed to feel this way"

"I am supposed to appear to be perfect"

"I'm a mom, I can handle it all on my own"

"I can't take a break, because my child relies on me"

Then I started worrying something was really wrong with me. Am I getting post-partum depression? Am I not the mom I thought I was? Am I doing something WRONG?

The first step: admitting there is a problem. Ok, check! I have a problem!

Then I realized....NO. No, I'm not doing anything wrong.  All those fears and feeling of guilt are ridiculous.  I can't do it all on my own, and that's ok.  It's ok to be overwhelmed.  It's ok to ask for help. And most importantly for me, it's ok to take a BREAK. My daughter turned 5 months old this week and I've been separated from her a handful of times.

Hubby and I are working to get me more "me time" so I can keep my head on straight and not go crazy.  It's already helped me immensely.  It's not easy living thousands of miles away from all of our family, and sometimes it hits hard.  But that doesn't mean I'm alone, and I'm not doing this thing by myself.

Lesson learned. To be the best mom I can be, I have to have a break and be the best ME I can be.