top 10 things i learned from childbirth class

From the eyes of my hubby....I figured it was a much more entertaining perspective than mine! ENJOY! I really wasn't sure what to expect from Childbirth class.  Being that this is my first child, I have never been before.  So when Kara-Kae told me that we had to go and it would cost us $80 I wasn't thrilled.  I am a product of the digital and internet age so I assume that almost anything we need to learn we can find on the internet.  But after some threatening convincing, I decided that it would be ok.  I guess we should be as prepared as possible for our first born.  Little did I know all the things that I would learn from this class.

For those of you that have never been before, be prepared to learn!  If you have been before, maybe this will just bring back some fond memories of lamaze or other child birthing class.  So, without further ado, here are the top 10 main things (+ two bonus) I learned from our child birthing class in the order in which I learned them.  The best part is that I did not make up ANY of this.

Everything was recorded exactly as it was said.

  1. Pregnancy is normal. - I'm extremely glad we covered this.  I was a little worried that we were the only people that had sex to bring about a baby.  The rest must have been from the stork.
  2. When in pain, vocalizing (moaning and groaning) may help. - Would you like some Tylenol Extra Strength or Advil Moan & Groan?
  3. During early labor, you (mother) may get excited about having the baby. - I guess that's a good thing.  If you aren't excited you probably should have been a little more careful when having sex in the first place.  Plus, the pregnancy is almost over!
  4. The baby may be stressed during labor for some reason. - Really?  For some reason?  I would think my skull squeezing through the birth canal or getting tangled in a random chord while trying to get out might stress me out a bit.  Oh, and the kid is about to take his/her first breath.  Possibly stressful?
  5. Mom, don't pay attention to the monitors.  Let your husband do that.  He needs a job.  You are there to relax or whatever. - Relax or whatever?  Yeah, you know.  Just sit back and relax or whatever.  After all, it's just a day at the spa.
  6. Husbands, during active labor she may not like you. - Here is where you insert phrases like "I hate you", "this is all your fault", "beep, beep, beeeeeeep" or "did I say you could leave your corner?".  This will be interesting.  For the one dude asking all the ridiculous questions like whether or not it is appropriate to be spontaneously humorous in the middle of labor.
  7. Don't watch the epidural process. - If you have a weak stomach at all or don't like needles, this especially applies to you.  Apparently some dude around Orange County recently died because he was watching and fainted and hit is head just right.  Hmmm...
  8. Being tired is not a good medical reason to induce labor. - I guess this rule keeps us from having babies months too early.  Every female in the room will disagree with this assessment.
  9. According to our instructor, when it comes to delivery units, Kaiser Permanente is the best place in Orange County. - I am not really sure how to take that considering we are NOT at Kaiser Permanente and she works for our hospital.
  10. Since it is birthing class, they will show you videos of actual birth.  You will see more than you wanted to. - Hi!  Would you like to put your entire birthing process on video so that we can show it to the world?  Oh, no.  You won't be covered up.
  11. Birthing class costs money and meets in the basement of the hospital.  If you haven't paid yet, they are not going to be able to break a $100.  Sorry. - Who brings a $100 and asks for change?  The instructor is not a cashier.  There is no cash register.  Could you not follow the rules and pay before you show up?
  12. At the end of the class, if the instructor asks you what they forgot, it is OK to not have an answer. - Really it's ok.  Don't worry.  That is why you are paying to take the class in the first place.

All in all it was a pretty good class.  I had my doubts, but we did learn a lot of the things we need to know.  Now we will just see if we can remember in all in the heat of the moment.  Are the "he he he who" breaths during active labor or transition?  Can't forget the deep cleansing breaths.  Most of all though, ask her before doing anything.  Keep the chapstick to yourself unless she wants it.  When she feels like the gown is choking her, it might be a good time to listen and move it.  So now we are ready for the birth of our baby.