Ok…maybe not terrified. But honestly, they are difficult for me. Most churches have moved away from Sunday School, and focus more on Small Groups/Life Groups/Community Groups…whatever you may call them. I think this is awesome. I truly believe that it is so important to have people you can pour into and vice-versa. Hear me out…I think they are extremely important.
However, I’m terrified of them. I just simply don’t like them.
Oh….and why do all of our church graphics for small groups have to have people holding hands?? What group of people actually sits in a circle and holds hands?
Anyway…
Being a pastor & pastor’s wife, as hubby and I are, we draw a lot of “attention” from people who attend the churches we work for. Sometimes good attention and sometimes bad. But there is something about the pastor that people are drawn to. And they think the pastor’s wife is absolutely holy & perfect. Oh my…if only they knew.
All that to say, it’s difficult for me to be vulnerable. It’s hard to open up. It takes a lot of trust and many things for us to feel completely comfortable to talk about deep spiritual things going on with us, especially to people who look up to us so much.
We have some amazing friendships that we sink into so comfortably and can openly share anything. Most are either fellow pastors & wives, or are friends/family we have known for a long long time. I’m so thankful God has placed those people in our lives. I really think we’d be lost without them.
How do you allow yourself to open up and be vulnerable to a new group of people?
If you are a pastor’s wife, what’s the best way for you to find “community” and relationships and actually be able to let your guard down?
karakaejames is the author of this blog: a pastor's wife & soon-to-be mommy! Click on the "about me" link on the side to learn more or send over an e-mail by clicking the e-mail link below...
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January 27th, 2010 at 8:54 am
KK-
I really don’t know how to accomplish this successfully. I’m also afraid of small groups. I don’t feel as though I can be myself because I have to be the “minister” or the “minister’s wife” and I can’t simply be broken and bruised and all the things I really am. The best “small group” for me is other ministers/wives that know what it’s like to be human in a world of “you have to be ______ because you’re a ______.”
It’s also hard for me to sit through life groups that ask Biblical questions… simply because I study the Bible myself and I went through SEVERAL intensive years of Bible scholastics! I don’t think someone wants me rattling off about eschatology and I surely don’t think people want me answering every question! So I just sit there… and listen to the crickets and answer every 4 questions or so.
Also, being badly burned by the church, I’ve been taught that if you’re a minister or a pastor’s wife you DON’T allow yourself to be vulnerable. At least you don’t allow anything you say to be used against you in any future situation.
It’s so hard.
We’ve been attending a church here in Norman these past few months and I’ve had a hard time trying to get more indepth. I don’t feel like the service alone is enough, but the idea of a life/small/community group is daunting.
January 27th, 2010 at 9:52 am
April…thanks so much for your thoughts. I’m totally with you!! I’m praying that you guys are able to find some great people to connect with there!
kara-kae james´s last blog ..i’m terrified of small groups
January 31st, 2010 at 12:59 am
Good thoughts April! And SO true!
It’s important that other people know we’re real just like them, but often hard to do in a pastor’s wife position. There’s a balance there. It’s so important–even wise–to have that net of friends who DO walk in our shoes and KNOW what it’s like to be in ministry and all the stuff that comes with it.
I learned a lot from the pastor’s wife I had growing up…she actually just passed away at a relatively young age this past December (her daughter is 36–same age as me) after 10 years of battling cancer (5 times). As long as I’ve known her and having spent a lot of time in their home (her daughter is one of my dear friends), she always had a smile on her face, always trusted God like a bull dog would, and always had a positive attitude even when things were falling apart. But I remember her speaking about a time when she battled severe depression…that was something we didn’t know about until later. She wisely relied on trusted ministry friends to get her through it, and only after that did it became part of her testimony (which allowed her to be vulnerable with opening up about what she went through).
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through “crap” with the church…we’ve been there too (a few times) and I know and understand first-hand how difficult it can be and what it could do to you. Praying for you in this area.